Leaning into the Unfamiliar: Living Alongside Dementia
- Nicola Black
- Jun 11
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 18
EqA Blog content 11 Jun ‘25
Sometimes the most profound beauty comes not from what we change, but from how gently we learn to live with what we cannot.
Living alongside someone with dementia is a slow, aching transformation—a kind of grief that unfolds day by day. It is often said that dementia is harder on the caregiver than on the person living with it, and watching a loved one gradually disappear into the fog of forgetfulness can feel like witnessing a quiet heartbreak over and over again. The most painful part isn’t always what’s forgotten, but who is forgotten.
There’s a natural instinct to reason, to wait for a moment of clarity, to believe that just maybe today will be different. But dementia doesn’t play by rules—it builds roadblocks where conversations used to flow and replaces presence with confusion. Caregivers are left managing the chaos, holding everything together while their own needs and joys are quietly shelved.
I've watched my father care for my step-mum through her journey with dementia. I see his exhaustion, the weight of constant vigilance, the loneliness of being the only one who truly understands the shape of their daily struggle. He tries to bring lightness—jokes, gentle routines, small joys—but often meets frustration in the face of dementia’s unpredictability.
And yet, something quietly beautiful has begun to emerge.
Rather than resisting, my father has started leaning in. He laughs at the absurd moments, lets go of needing things to make sense, and finds softness in surrender. He meets the patterns—not with control, but with curiosity. In doing so, he creates small spaces for his own spirit to breathe.
This is where the transformation lives—not in fixing or fighting, but in embracing the mess, the mystery, the “in between.” Pain doesn’t vanish, but in allowing it to reshape us, beauty begins to rise from it—tender, imperfect, and real.
Written by Nicola Black 11.06.2025 (Equanimity Arts Pty Ltd)
* All information shared has been given consent, with de-identified details to protect confidentiality.
Dementia: Grief, Loss & Hope is a group or individual program designed to support loved ones and carers of people living with dementia. To learn more click here.
